A scar means, I survived

Modern medicine is very good, can not be dispensed yet it makes humanity in to one bundle, this could be its major failure, one  size fits all,humans are not are not condoms each have different finger prints, we have different ways of responding to everything including medicine,  one medicine can be an all-rounder for all ages except in the pharmacy of nature but in the pharmacy of man never.

“On the girl’s brown legs there were many small white scars. I was thinking, do those scars cover you, like the stars and the moons on your dress? I thought that would be pretty too, and I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.”   Chris Cleave

It’s 3 am in the morning, I woke up, then I just was doing nothing and listening to the night. I did not hear anything, most interesting is this, my body was silent at peace, quiet, free from pains of the mind and the body.

I started to talk to myself, ha ha ha ha the room is black, all I see is the moonlight outside. I said to myself ” Many people resent me for my beliefs about ARV’s but in true essence these beliefs equal my breadth today, they are responsible for saving my life.

“Lack of faith leads back to repeating unconscious and self-destructive behavior, which again results in the same illness or a worse one.”  How to Be Happy Quotes

I know many people saved by ARV’s this includes me, in that 2001 if I did not take them may be I would be dead or I did not take them I would not know this significant difference I now know about nutrition and immune breakdowns. Behind all the politics of HIV and Aids, the controversies of HIV even AIDS lies human beings whom despite all the politics and controversies do have a life to save, a life to live.

Has any one stopped to think” What are the small things that some of the survivors of AIDS are doing differently from others. Sometimes we lose the core issues as we are derailed by our interest in propelling what all people don’t really need ignoring the basics of survival. These survivors beyond politics are doing something which could help others, if help is what we want to give to the world. I see a lot of things which could benefit the grassroots being shaved under the carpet, and the easy ways out which cost money being in the top of the agenda. The cost of money does not matter it the client does not pay eg  the HAART is free to the client, yet someone is is paying – the tax payer – someone is paying – the donor who has an object to meet – someone is paying – the pharmaceutical who has a drug to test – someone is paying a crooked donor who has other tit for tat hidden agendas.  The bottom line is people who are doing simple things to live simple lives after almost dying from AIDS and even the HIV+ diagnosis have  little insignificant practices to share with one who is groaning at night and day wishing for solutions. We have walked the path of darkness, and having my body silent this evening and others ever since my life style change is a lesson that what used to be happening to me is happening to others.

I hate politics, they are the worst enemy of man and politics in matters of life and death are even worse. I was watching of YouTube a man’s hand in a lions mouth. The lion is pulling and the friends are also pulling the man from the lion’s mouth. He is a human being and he feels pain. W e can not keep dragging each other the side that says HIV = AIDS  and the side that says It’s not enough to close that fast, there is more still to prove on this claim. there are people in the middle of this controversy.

What we want, I hope is to have a healthy society, we want to help our society which is crumbling down with immune collapse, giving the people a concrete activity which will make life different form their yesterday is key. Life style change with out pointing fingers and blaming anyone is key in achieving overall health. It’s an personal choice to live, so even changing life style must just be spelled out and the onus lies with the one who wants life.

Some people have it the easy way. You see polished information some time even sent to you which can save your life and you just ignore it and stick with the old that you know. What is the purpose of getting new information on your lap if ou don’t question the old one you know? At least questioning ourselves saying ”

What am I going to do about this.” I made all decisions which today account for my sound health while the soil of my grave was being shoved back in the grave. It meant I had to spin and change all things in an instant if I was to make it out of the grave before they covered me completely. Decisions made at the death-bed are make it or break it and normally the dying person make the decision  alone. We each have ourselves in all circumstances, even in a coma, one can decide to live and they will live. What we external aiders do it just to give the building blocks and the building of the structure lies with the one who own the life.

I remember in 2008, damn I was sick, I was on Neviripine, and AZT, I would just fall back wards when trying to stand. I fell for the last time after falling down and feeling my life slipping away. I said Within – NO I AM NOT DYING, There is some one I want to see! Now I could have closed my eyes and watched the darkness cover my eyes as it was doing. Those reading this are blessed in knowing the feeling and visions one is shown at death time. Surviving is a purpose it itself- defining the purpose becomes the new life’s destiny. A nother chance at life means you simply can not live it like you did before. I don’t choose to be different, I am different as I have gone through different stages to re walk the earth.

“If you identify with a system which demands casualties and victims based on a belief in statistical coincidence, then you will become part of that reality and soon be another coincidental victim yourself.” How to Be Happy Quotes

Next time any one  questions my beliefs and approaches to my  HIV+ and AIDS + status – Pass with this phrase ” It is not a choice to be doing what I am doing the way I am doing it to be alive Its a new way of my life – any other way – is contrary to my purpose of survival. What is my purpose of survival? I don’t know either but I know when I am off course.

If I had my way this is what I would be doing now.

1. Holding talks with communities in Botswana about the values I have learned from my death escape. This does not even apply to HIV and AIDS only survival is survival.

2. I would share the simple benefits of a holistic life style change. I derive a a lot of benefit in shifting my beliefs and or lets say in mind set change example – I used to work around the fact of “I am dying any time”. It was not even imagined only, it was a fact even written on my medical cards, I lot my job on this fact – now I live this way.

” Death is a shadow one must never mistake to be their own shadow, I quit feeling and seeing my shadow as the shadow of death.” Onnie Mary Phuthe

This only has been the foundation that made it possible to introduce dietary changes to my life, supplementation for my health and with our the shift from death – it’s could not be possible.

How did I shift any way?  First I had nothing to loose I had lost it  already, so I quit ARV’s. When dying turning against what all people especially the doctor’s advice is a scary step. So this tell you I had the heart pounding when I decided to stop.

I was going through this process which is common today for other too.

“When AIDS patients’ bodies finally break down from the effects of these
anti-viral drugs, they say, ‘Now the virus has become resistant, and the drugs
have lost their effectiveness.’ What really is happening is the toxicity of the
drugs builds up to a point where the patient cannot stand it anymore. And, of
course, they say it was the virus — rather than the entirely inevitable and
predictable toxicity of these damned drugs.” Dr Peter Duesberg

When reading further in these citation I actually for crutches for my soul and the cane for my spirit. I still love reading these citations at Virus Myth Website This one in particular was spoken by someone who is an Aids activist he said,


“The HIV paradigm has produced nothing of value for my life and I actually believe that treatments based on the arrogant belief that HIV has proven to be the sole and sufficient cause of AIDS has hastened the deaths of many of my friends” (Meditel 1992) Michael Callen AIDS Activist, died in 1994, 13 years after AIDS diagnosis, he is also the author of a book called Surviving AIDS ISBN 0-06-016148-5

When I got in contact with the author of Debating AZT   Antony Brink (Down load and read this fascinating book) I was now on the road of no return to ARV therapy this is the time I really said I am now Divorcing The Man In The Bottle. As the journey unfolded I began to replay all the incidents of my hospital visits, I found that It I certainly had a tail, I was really going round and round chasing my  tail and would not have caught it – even today on the 17/09/2012, I would not have. The doctors were happy with the blood work, but I was a rope breaking each little string I was holding on to. Fortunately before the last string broke I rearlier do the most important aspect about my Life with AIDS and that is:

“Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different
intents”.  ~Peter Mere Latham

By the time I wrote divorcing the man in the bottle I now had removed my rose-coloured glasses and knew now that “Medicines are not meat to live by”.  ~German Proverb especially the chemical based ones

I was not ready to make my physician by bring this quote to life “Until a physician has killed one or two he is not a physician”. ~Kashmiri Proverb

I have one life and the physician has many patients yet he has one life.

Looking at my palm, I had a vision of how I used to fill it with pills even have to make my hand in to a cup to carry them all and I went in to anew partnership, which is still alive today “Here’s good advice for practice:  go into partnership with nature; she does more than half the work and asks none of the fee”.  ~Martin H. Fischer

I now close that it is not a bed of roses to believe what I do, to do what I do, to today be what I am. It would be wise for one to say ” Onnie quit looking for a job, and share all you have walked the hot coals for as after your death, no word can be squeeze for your mind.  The mouth does not speak, it only spills what the mind said its an outlet that works when the heart is beating and the body is warm. You this chance latter, you may have to depend on dreams and no one can decide what dream they want to have, they just receive. None can change the events that have left scars on my body, so Sharing is just like point at a scar on my body and telling you how I got it.

Clean clear skin is what I wish for, yet the scars on my body are no different to the scars on my soul.

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”  Kahlil Gibran

“Each person is unique and needs a unique cure.” How to Be Happy Quotes


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